Connect to your existing Cracked account if you have one or create a new Cracked username. The Middle Ages had the Black Death, had the influenza epidemic.
But the scourge sweeping the land at the end of the 19th century?
According to the medical minds of the time, "No single vice causes so much mental and physical debility It impairs the intellect, weakens the memory, debases the mind, ruins the nervous system, exhausts the vital power and destroys body, mind and soul. Fortunately for sufferers, doctors back then had almost as many cures as there were symptoms The process of taking a male baby and cutting off the skin around the head of the penis is common in the U.
So why did it become standard? Partly to keep American boys from touching their wieners. It's fairly recent, too. As recently as the s, circumcision was still primarily thought of as a " Jewish rite ," something that for non-Jews would be done as a Two boyz jerking off at same time resort in response to infections around the foreskin and other medical problems.
But in the late s and early s, America wound up in a frenzy over the problem of masturbation that sounds suspiciously similar to the fears about recreational drugs a half century later -- masturbation was spoken of as a new, addictive fad among our children that doctors said could cause everything from psychosis to epilepsy.
Getty While some might say hallucinating Megan Fox and getting the shakes can only be a positive.
And then, somehow, they decided that circumcision would prevent masturbation because no Jewish man had ever been caught masturbating up to that point, we guess? The benefits were claimed to be twofold:. First, it supposedly reduced the secretions that would get inflamed around the foreskin and thus get young boys in the habit of rubbing themselves.
Seriously, books at the time treat genital itching as a gateway drug to masturbation -- a public school sex ed manual says keeping kids from scratching their junk is the only way to keep them out of the insane asylumwhere all masturbators end up.
Getty Masturbators and early 21st century rappers.
Beauty two boyz jerking off at same time sexy xxx base pix
Second, many doctors thought that removing the foreskin made masturbation much more difficult which, as about half of our readers know, it totally doesn't. By the way, that medical journal suggests that another way to prevent boys from masturbating is to sever the fucking nerves to the penisso there just wouldn't be any feeling there at all. Getty On the plus side, you'd make a damn good living in bar bets.
Again, it makes perfect sense if you are under the impression that masturbation is a drug 10 times more dangerous than heroin. It's a telling sign of how villainous masturbation was that "Jewish penis surgery" sounded like a sensible alternative, particularly since the s weren't exactly an enlightened time in Anglo-Jewish relations it was around then that Union general and soon-to-be president Ulysses S.
Grant signed the order expelling all Jews from some Southern states. And yet, by this "Jewish rite" had become the physician's "closest friend and ally" in the battle against masturbation.
Setting the fingers on fire and spinning the balls around like a dreidel. Anti-masturbation crusader John Harvey Kellogg then came along and upped the ante by insisting that circumcision should be performed with no anesthesia. So the kid would feel the pain and remember it the next time he was tempted to "self-abuse":. The soreness which continues for several weeks interrupts the practice, and if it had not previously become Two boyz jerking off at same time firmly fixed, it may be forgotten and not resumed.
Getty Actually, we reckon associating the penis with pain would lead to a different conclusion entirely. If he is only partially watched, he soon learns to elude observation, and thus the effect is only to make him cunning in his vice.
Kellogg, as you can tell, was really into keeping kids from masturbating. An entire segment of the food industry would be born as a result of this crusade. At some point, masturbation experts decided that a major culprit in provoking the urge was diet. Certain foods were "excitants" known to fire the blood. Of course in the late s "excitants" included such exotic fare as cloves, vinegar, pickles, Two boyz jerking off at same time, eggs and pork.
Thankfully, to protect children from the evils of peppermint, anti-masturbation dietitians invented the opposite of tasty food, namely cold breakfast cereal. Grape-Nuts, and later Corn Flakes, were specially designed to be non-stimulating alternatives to "food.
Let Daddy Grape-Nuts take care of those sexual urges. So when you would see ads for cereals like Grape-Nuts back then invented by CW Post, a competitor of Kellogg from the same erayou would see innuendos about how it won't "heat the blood" the way other foods do. The ads also boasted that it was " predigested ," because if you're trying to remain cool and unexcited, clearly you should model your diet after a baby bird.
Kellogg, meanwhile, believed eating his "corn flakes" would do the trick. If he was smart, he'd have advertised his cereal as the only way to prevent forceful circumcision, without anesthesia, followed by a hour masturbation watch.
That's some pretty strong damned motivation right there. Getty Also corn flakes make terrible lubrication. Another inventor of "food to make you stop jerking off" was Reverend Sylvester Grahamof Graham cracker fame. His cold breakfast option to suppress sexual urges was originally called Honey Biscuits which ironically would be a Two boyz jerking off at same time porn name.
It was specifically recommended as an important part of the diet for those recovering from masturbation for the same reason as the cereals: Graham crackers were also sold as the perfect food to help children gain weight and thus have the strength necessary to resist temptation and this was even before kids started eating Two boyz jerking off at same time with chocolate and marshmallows.
Poster Advertising "Our research suggests that fat kids don't get laid. Gentlemen, I have an idea And given that chocolate was thought to be an aphrodisiacthis made s'mores an existential battle for a Boy Scout's soul.
But more on the Boy Scouts later. Bathing is one of those things that seems to go in and out of fashion totally at random. For instance the Romans were big on bathingbut early Christians like Saint Benedict thought it should be avoided "baths shall seldom be permitted"partly because they thought Roman-style bathhouses tended to encourage spontaneous orgies. The anti-bathing trend was continued in early Americabased on the fact that the nudity involved could not lead to anything good including "French moral corruption and the sexual license suggested by nudity".
Getty Which is ridiculous, as everyone knows French people don't bathe.
But the tide turned in favor of baths by the end of the 19th century. Yep, the same time period we keep returning to, the very climax of the War on Masturbation.
It's not a coincidence.
It was the fear of masturbation that drove doctors and preachers alike to recommend daily baths, particularly for children. The theory was similar to the one behind circumcision -- if you didn't keep the genitals clean, they would itch, and soon little Billy would be scratching a little too much. Guess who weighed in on the subject? Why, it's John Harvey Kellogg again.
In Plain Facts for Old and Young:.
Norbert: I need a man who wishes to share his love with me. Also I know how to keep my home, how to create harmony and comfort there. I am a civil servant in my local government.
Sun baths, electric baths, spray, plunge and other forms of bath, are of greatest value to those suffering from the effects of indiscretions. Getty We just find the judging eyes of Mr.
Quackers enough to stop us dead. But he certainly wasn't the only one. First, cleanliness of heart, of thought, imagination and of purpose must be reinforced also by cleanliness of body.
Every man, woman and child should bathe at least once or twice a week. In addition to the ordinary weekly bath, there should also be added the daily morning sponge or hand-bath. Getty Make sure you get thoroughly lathered up for your "hand-bath.
Arise three-quarters of an hour before breakfast every morning, take a cold sponge or shower bath. Meanwhile, the Boy Scout manual Scouting for Boys mentions a cold shower or bath as a good masturbation cure. Bathing wasn't just in again, it was now being thrown around as a preventative medical treatment that one avoided at his own masturbatory risk.
Getty They would have suggested cleansing the brain, too, if they could find a way to keep the bleach from pouring out of your ears. Now, we can't prove beyond all doubt that these two organizations were started purely as tools to beat back the masturbation menace -- Two boyz jerking off at same time not the sort of thing the organizers of either group would come out and admit. But it seems to have been a big part.
Doctors at the time had already observed that people in sedentary jobs like merchants, students or shoemakers and presumably writers were far more prone to masturbation-based insanity.
So not only did vigorous exercise strengthen the mind and body and give your hands something else to do, it effectively diverted " superfluous nervous energy " away from the sexual organs. You know, it's hard to argue; you've seen how pro athletes and soldiers both have no sex Two boyz jerking off at same time whatsoever. Getty The only drive this upstanding citizen has is the one that has won him 14 majors.
Anyway, the whole scouting movement goes back to around -- right in the middle of all this -- and was started by Lord Baden-Powell. And as much as anyone from that era, he was obsessed with stopping boys from masturbating. Oh, and he was sort of crazy.
Baden-Powell seemed to struggle with his own sexuality, spending a lot of time admiring the physical form of men and obsessing over the development of boys. When he finally married at age 55, he refused to sleep in the same bed as a woman, choosing to sleep out on his balcony instead. When it came to his advice about sex and the ultimate destructive evil of self-abuse, he, uh, had a way of phrasing things.
He advised that young men should "bathe the racial organ in cold water daily. A Handbook for Two boyz jerking off at same time in Good CitizenshipPowell included warnings against masturbation so graphic that the publisher forced him to cut them they were restored in later editions. So what did he think would save his boys from such a horrific vice?
Powell's advice followed the thinking of the day, saying that bathing and " exercising the upper part of the body by arm exercises, boxing, etc. In his book Rovering to Successhe goes on the usual screed against the health effects of masturbation, then says:.
If you carry out Rovering, you will find lots to do in the way of hiking and the enjoyment of the out-of-door manly activities. To get rid of the bad you must put something good in its place.
Yes, you'll recognize his anti-masturbation program as pretty much everything Scouts do other than tying knots. No doubt he thought all of those things had other benefits, too, but make no mistake: This was a guy with masturbation on the brain.
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